Do you have something in your life that you know isn’t healthy for you, but you do it anyways? My higher self knew I was abusing my iPad – umm, I think the first sign was that I kept looking up relaxation apps.
And then quite innocently, I dropped by iPad. Twice. This didn’t really do wonders for the screen that was already cracked. Enter the mama that did a tailspin into a technology withdrawal.It was a little sickening really to see how much I had integrated this little device into my daily routine. I would wake up and check the weather, the news, and my email – whilest relying more on my husband to actually make sure the kids didn’t get up and walk out the front door. Email. Facebook. More news. Kids app. Kids story. Online Scrabble. Bedtime stories. Cute kitten videos. Blah. Blah. Blah…
Because I already knew that the iPad was too distracting, it didn’t break my heart when it went away. I sent messages instantly to the people I Scrabbled with the most. “Do not call the authorities. I am alive. But the iPad has gone to a different place. And (shutter), we might have to pull out a real Scrabble board at the next play date.”
When my husband and I were still dating, we went through this process with our television. It moved from the living room to the bedroom, and when we moved to a new house it was moved to a closeable cupboard. The next time we moved, we realized it was time to get rid of the beat altogether. The television was a conversation stopper and the vibe in our common spaces changed altogether once it was gone for good.
When the iPad died, I had to lie in bed silently as I nursed my son. It was frustrating because my mind was racing, wanting to do something. The next evening, I started to feel a little less anxious and felt that little oxytocin bump from breastfeeding . Eventually, I regained that calm in the bedroom. I have let go. I am sleeping better.
Well, imagine how shocked I was when my 2-year-old found the iPad and showed me that it was actually still working. I kept it on a high shelf for a week, and today I taped it up with packing tape. It isn’t a complete save, but I can still access my apps. I had it playing a satellite radio station when my husband came home. He said nothing about its reappearance…clearly stating, “You know where this could lead, don’t you?”
And tonight, I actually wanted to bring that little sucker back into bed. But I resisted the temptation. There was room for all four of us in bed to snuggle and read books. I hugged my daughter close to send her cold-ridden self off to slumber. There was room for these moments, and there was silence to fill with kisses and goodnights.