When your mom (aka grandma) thinks she knows best


For the past week and a half I’ve been on holiday staying with my parents, while my husband travels for work.  It’s been fantastic.  They help me clean-up, cook meals, watch the baby so I can shower, the list is endless.  Would you believe I even finished reading an entire book, cover to cover, in just 4 days?  My first full book since W. was born.

BUT, and there’s always a but, there is some tension that arrives in the form of unsolicited advice and actions from the grandpeople. I’m curious to know how everyone else deals with unsolicited/unwanted/conflicting advice.

At the moment, I’m trying hard to pick and choose my battles, this will likely get harder as my little guy gets older.  When it comes to feeding, safety, and sleep habits I’ve decided that’s these areas are 100% my territory.  I can say no to advice when offered, and stop actions that I feel don’t work or are unsafe/unhealthy.  For example don’t give my child dog toys your dog uses (Actually don’t give my child any dog toy period), or no I’m not using puréed food and he will not choke.  When it comes to other activities I’ve decided to let things slide, because the battle isn’t worth it. I want my folks and my inlaws to enjoy time with their grandson and not have me micromanaging them. For example if a grandpa wants to watch a bit of TV while holding his grandson then I can let that slide, despite it being a big no no at home.

So far this seems to be working.  One set of the grandparents are much more indirect than me, so me saying “no” or “stop that” seems to take them by surprise but I think they are learning.  As my kid gets older he’ll probably learn to love the broken rules permitted at his grandparents.

What rules would you keep or let slide with inlaws, grandparents, friends?

Advertisements

About OneMoreMom

One more mom with one blog, one kid, one husband, one dog and one cat.
This entry was posted in Advice, Parenting and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to When your mom (aka grandma) thinks she knows best

  1. Diet is non-negotiable, and this was an issue for a while with the grandparents. We did not want our children exposed to common allergens before their second birthday. We do not want the children eating meat (and yes, that chicken in the chicken soup is meat).

    The one that gets my goat is the iPhone. When my daughter was less than two years old, a number of relatives were pulling out their mobile device and letting my child play with it. It entertained her at family events and kept her quiet at other times. I have grown to use the iNanny myself now that I have an iPad, but she was so young at the time and people thought I was joking when I said no.

    No, my week old or month old or even year old children don’t need shampoo. How dirty could they get when they were newborns? I was also pretty anti-diaper with the first child, and those disposables kept creeping into my house during visits.

    But I’m also relaxing about a lot of these things. And I’ve actually gleaned a lot of good advice from the grandpeople. Put the clean diaper under the dirty one during a change. Prewash those cloth diapers instead of washing the load twice. And so much more.

    I have kept my mouth closed as often as possible, and through it all both sets of our parents have acknowledged us as good parents. Despite the differences in opinion, generational knowledge, and cultural shifts, we can see that we’ve all parented to the best of our abilities with the information we had available. So part of this is not making my parents or my in-laws feel guilty for the ways that they parented – ie. putting karo syrup in the baby bottle.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s